Thoughts On The Page

Bismillah

When my husband and I were courting before marriage we had this running ''thing'' between us.

He would stand behind me, tell me to cross my arms and fall back toward him and I would not do it. I wanted him to SAY ''I will catch you'' and he felt like I should trust that he would not let me fall.

Initially, I thought that I had a trust issue. But I think it's really one of faith.

Father's raising daughters

I was married before. To a man with a daughter. I helped him when he got custody of her full time. He and the daughters mother agreed he should put her in school in the city we were in. I helped him raise her and when we broke up, of course she stayed with him and he became a single dad (for a couple years then remarried).

I said that as proof that I have some experience regarding what I am about to say (think, out loud).

I'm not sure if I like this new phenomenon of father's raising daughters alone.

I know in cases it has to be done but I'm meeting more and more men who have custody of their girls.

I also know that all circumstances are different and that being with one parent, in most cases, is better than being without either of them.

But again, I don't know what the effect will be. How will these girls view women? How will they view men? Who will be their guide to answer those feminine mysteries that come with peer pressure, teasing, that first broken heart and childbirth?

Maybe a family friend, an aunt or other relative could step in. But knowing a person inside out is really important when advising them on such personal matters.

For some reason I feel differently about male relatives advising a young man who is being raised by a single mother. I think that would work out fine...

Again, I'm thinking out loud here and just don't know how I feel.  I do know that I feel all "weird" when I hear of it and know of it.

What say you?

Just...wow...

     I saw an episode of "Brothers to Brutha" over the weekend. It's a show that's not worth linking to.But one guy really grabbed my attention. He looked so SAD. He had a  miserable, unhappy look. Not mad, not grumpy but sad.
     Then I caught the show tonight and it said, "In Memory of Shakir Stewart" so I went online to see who it was and it was the guy with the sad eyes.

He had died by the time I saw the first show.

I wonder if I knew that when I looked into his eyes.

Was he already "gone" when the show taped?

Did you know that Black males where the fastest growing group of suicide victims?

May Allah bless his family to heal and return to health and happy times.

Those left behind have a heavy burden...one day I'll share my stories.

Faith restored!

I skipped out on posting yesterday. I was sooooooo uninspired by Hillary. She did what I expected. She is a career politician and did the noble thing (when your back is against a wall). She endorsed the victor. The speech was very much like her concession speech.

The best thing she did was acknowledge the death of Stephanie Tubbs Jones. I was waiting for that. I've been watching almost all of the speeches and she was the first major acknowledgment.

But Wednesday........Bill came with it. He was believable. He seemed to be saying, "I fought the good fight, now its over. We're family again." Hillary still seemed a little bitter. Bill was ready to rock this thing for the Dems.

Biden won me over. I was scared of his mouth. I'm still a bit afraid. But overall, he came off real. And he came off as generous. My fear of any VP would be that they would try to not be "the white man behind the first Black president" and try to upstage Barack and have in-fighting ruin their chances. I don't think Biden is going to do that. He seems grateful for his 3rd chance. (He ran for president twice already). He was generous by using almost 10 minutes of his acceptance speech to campaign.

This convention started slow for me but it's picking up steam and I expect Barack to give up the "hope" speech and give us some concrete reasons why he is the clear choice.

DON'T DISAPPOINT ME BARACK! (You know he reads my blog on his iPhone, LOL)

Something about a funeral

Funerals are really humbling. They always make me think about my life, where I've been and what else I need to do before checking out of here.

It has really been on my heart and mind to create a will. I think I need to do that.

Today I paid my respects to a local pastor. The funeral was one of the biggest I've seen. I was unusually comfortable there. It was a baptist church but they are different. The women and men both dress modestly. They even have HUGE bible conference each year.

Back to that feeling...

All the brothers and sisters wore all white for the funeral. I think the uniformity of the white made me feel at ease. They also sang many songs to God and not just Jesus (please don't take offense). They were sad but not falling out sad. It was just a good funeral and I felt fine there. I don't mind going to church as a Muslim. I grew up in the COGIC. But often, the preacher tries to stare me/us down and preach to us. I guess they think I'll rip off my head piece and cut 18 inches off my dress and yell "Save me Jesus!"

But not today. Everybody just said, "Hello Sister Muhammad" and let me just "be". Even other pastors waved at me and smiled and left me alone to pay my respects and feel the moment.

I couldn't stay longer than about 90 minutes. It was a 3 hour funeral and I had to come 45 minutes early just to get a spot in the chapel next door and watch it from the BACK of a screen way up in the balcony. But I wanted to go and pay respects because the members read a lot of our papers each week and I know so many people who go there. I never had the opportunity to meet him in person but did enjoy hearing him on the radio on Sunday mornings.

I guess I'm saying all this to say, never miss an opportunity to pay your respect to someone even if you respected them from afar. And never miss an opportunity to share in the moment with some people you care about. I didn't see all the people I knew but when I DO see them, I'll be able to talk about the funeral because I was there. It's about being a friend and a friend of this community that has welcomed us with open arms (mostly).

Be blessed!

The beauty of spring

One of the first things I noticed when I returned to Kentucky from The D was how BEAUTIFUL it is here. In early April we already have fully green grass and many flowers and trees are in bloom. I have the most beautiful tree/bush in front of my house and it only blooms for about 2 weeks and then it's gone. But I look forward to it every year.

I was talking to an 80 something year old writer the other day and commented on how beautiful Kentucky is this time of year and after we chatted for a bit (I was really calling for someone else in her house) she said it was so nice to talk to someone who even notices those things and I thought about that.

People talk about so much but often neglect the simple pleasures and joys and I have wonder if its because they were too busy to notice.

I talk to my mom at least once a day but sometimes we call each other just to share something funny or cute. I know that she is someone I can call to say

[contintued here...ok, Don just "get's me" because I must have lost the other half of my sentence when I saved....]

I talk to my mom at least once a day but sometimes we call each other just to share something funny or cute. I know that she is someone who just appreciates you thinking of her...something simple.

It's called SELF esteem...

I was listening to someone on News and Notes today and they said, "Arrogance is a sign of low self esteem."

I believe that so much. I have a really hard time listening to or reading people who take so much time worry about "the least of these".

Here in BCWB, Ky (Big City Wanna Be) EVERYONE has a degree. From the guy washing your car, to the car salesman, to the aid at the day care. UK must give those damn bachelor's degree's out. I know people with PhD's teaching GED classes and working in call centers. Both because they are "too militant" to work in offices. They have been labeled and bad mouthed by Blacks who don't want to be associated with them. Why can't we just let people be?

Everyone has a degree or two or three but you find some other way to put people down. Maybe it's their clothes, an accent, the car they drive, the zip code they live in, if they rent v. own a home, any excuse to make yourself feel good.

Why do we as Blacks have a "collective self esteem". Why do we feel embarrassed by other Blacks? I heard someone say it is because we are taught to look at each other as family. But is that reasoning any better? If you have a sister who is a crack head, should you be embarrassed? Hell no! You shouldn't be proud of her, but it's not yours to own.

I'm sort of venting and have been for a couple weeks about this.

Your critique of others if based on how you feel about yourself.

When you get ready to talk about someone, or a group of people with a particularly offensive characteristic or habit, stop and ask yourself how seeing them makes you feel. If you are embarrassed, ask yourself why? And then ask yourself why you didn't talk WITH the person instead of talking ABOUT them to others who can't change a thing about them.

I know a sister who suffers from a mental illness. I only found this out when a friend of ours' son died suddenly. She would do as much as she could to help and then had to take a pill. Once she did, she sat on the porch rocking. Well one night we were in a meeting and she was very passionate about something but it wasn't making a lot of sense so it just sound like an incoherent rant. (much like this post). As I was leaving the meeting I heard two women talking about her. One says, "What's wrong with her, is she crazy?" And I interrupted and said, "How would she know? Go talk to the sister and ask her to sit down calmly and try to tell you what she was trying to say. It's really rude to talk about someone especially in earshot of others." The one talking just tried to make excuses for why she was asking the question, but it all sound stupid. The other girl looked really sorry.

Gossiping and "cracking" is hard to refrain from. It took my younger brothers to point out to me that I cracked and made fun of others. I thought it was funny but they thought I was talking about people, and really I was. When I realized how foolish I sound, I quit! It's hard to stop, but please stop. You are trying to keep attention from yourself but it's not working. You sound really foolish and your low self esteem is showing!

I think it's upsetting me because here in Ky, we hear all of the gossip and it is used as a weak excuse for not unifying as a community. We are only 13% of the population here so we can't afford all these silly divisions. Then online, I see bloggers talking about groups of people (rappers, people on welfare...) and then there are 50-60 cosigners. And anyone who calls them on it is ganged up on. It's like the movie Mean Girls, for real. And if you're guessing, it's not one blog in particular. There are a few that I've browsed upon.

Blogroll do over - Part 2

I graduated from high school in 1986 and hip hop was just coming to The D. I really remember staying up to listen to the radio after my mom went to bed so I could hear the mix shows around the time that Lodi Dodi (Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh) came out. That had to be 1984 or so. But ever since, I've been hooked. I got deeper and deeper into it while in college. I saw Big Daddy Kane, Public Enemy, MC Lyte and others right on campus at Central State. I am one who does believe that hip hop is a culture, a mindset.

That's why I love Omi's spot. His movie and book reviews are from my perspective and I can relate. His analysis on current events, are always relate-able and so hip-hop. Of course I don't always agree, but it's always a good time and he's open to whatever you have to say.

Two of my passions are combined and turned into nothin' but love on D-Nice's spot. You all know D-Nice as the DJ from Boogie Down Productions (BDP). He was on the "Self Destruction" project and according to history reports, he helped write Lyte's rhyme. Well he is still a popular DJ and is now a professional photographer and he share's some of his work on his site. I have been into photography since I was in high school and have been dabbling at it ever since and I love to look at other peoples work. He has so many shots of rappers from days gone by and also the up and coming crew. I LOVE THIS SITE.

Both are a safe place to go and not be ashamed to love hip-hop. (Like I'd ever be ashamed...but you get my point).

Still more to come!

Before this goes too far....

Hopefully anyone reading this blog knows full well that Min. Farrakhan did not "endorse" Sen. Obama. As a matter of FACT, last year, The Minister publicly gave the Senator permission to distance himself from him and any other controversial Black figure if it would make him the victor.

Yes, Sister P is a Muslim and member of The Nation. However, as a reasonably intelligent person who knows many brilliant Black men the age of Min. Farrakhan (74) I KNOW that he knows that his endorsement would only cause the mischief makers to attack Sen. Obama. Who, by the way, is currently being ridiculed for even having the middle name Hussein.

They are even trying to get Obama to distance himself from his own pastor. He's too smart for that. I love how news pundits have said that Obama "rejected the endorsement of Farrakhan" when he really said, "I denounce any statements he made that were anti-semitic." Get the difference? I heard, "If you think he said something against Jews, then I denounce that."

I personally think it would be a bad move for Sen. Obama to make a definitive move away from anyone Black. I believe that he has so much support because he in an independent thinker and if he buckled to pressure to make a symbolic gesture to distance himself, he'd come off looking shady.

Try again CNN! We've been Black for too long to fall for this crap.

Nick Jr. is the debil too!

It's more than Disney. I could go on about a bunch but let's also take a look at Nick Jr. and their insistence on eliminating the positive images of Blacks. I came back to this because I was speaking to a local author who published a series of books that show images of how Blacks have been portrayed over the years. She not only collects Black memorabilia but all "happy meal toys" from McD's and a lot of Disney and other toy-type items. She is 58 and when I finished sharing my sentiments, she said in a low voice. "You just helped me see what was right in front of my own eyes." In her book on the Black child, she shared that often Blacks were shown as animals (mainly crows and bears) in children's books. And it's still going on, just subtly. She hadn't paid attention to what was on TV for children because she doesn't have any. She said to me, "They don't even want our images in front of their own children so they make us animals."

Exhibit A: Positive Black images
Gullah Gullah Island was a great show on from December 1994 - January 1998. The show is no longer on nor are the DVD's still available in retail stores. (I hear reruns are on Noggin but I don't get that channel) Total run: About 3 years.
Little Bill showed a great family life with real stories. Aired September 2000-September 2002. No DVD's available and was on CBS on and off on Sunday's. Total run: 2 years

Exhibit B: Other minorities and Black's animals
Dora the Explorer has been running non-stop since 1999 and they made a spin-off show, Go Diego Go in 2005. Both are Latino and teach Spanglish. Total run: 8 years and still going.
The Backyardigans were created by a sister and features some Black voices, but they are little creatures and not real children. Running strong since 2004.

The whole point that I'm making is that if you even WANT to expose your children to positive images of themselves to spark their imagination and creativity (before they are able to read) then it is a hard and arduous task.

Just because you're the first...

...doesn't make it historic.

Recently I reported a story about the Kentucky African-American Encyclopedia Project. This is to be the first of its kind anywhere in the country. An entire encyclopedia complete with 16-20 essays on the history and life of Blacks in the state. Estimated to be more than 1000 pages and 1000 entries when completed in 2011.

One of the editors, a woman who is a MASTERFUL librarian and now a Ph.D. student of history, said that just because a person may be the first at something, they may not make the book. This isn't just a chronicle but a recount of history and how things significantly impacted future generations.

This made me think because I have been critical of our local sororities and fraternities for giving out baseless honors to people in the community while skipping our first Black city council woman who is in her second year of a two year term. But when I think about it, what has she done? She won in the smallest district where less than 2000 votes were cast between her and her opponent. It is a district that has always had Black male representation so it wasn't a stretch for a Black woman to be elected. And she hasn't bucked the status-quo too much except on expanded liquor sale hours. Nothing ground breaking, she's just the first.

Then I recalled a family "discussion"/argument about Condoleezza Rice. My sister in laws husband said that we should be proud of Condi because she speaks several languages and plays piano and she is an example to our young people of what they could be. My husband and mother in law jumped on him with both feet! Basically they said she stands for nothing on her own and represents a corrupt regime. So how is that historical? She was just the first.

Does first make you worthy of a footnote in history? Should it be based on impact? What should make history?

Have you thought about what history will say about you?

I've got so much trouble on my mind...refuse to lose!

The state of Black business has really got my head aching.

Obviously it's hard out here for non-Black businesses too or Lil' G (Pres. Bush to some) wouldn't be handing out cash hoping people don't spend it on necessary things, but go blow it on flat screens. Can you smell that? That's the smell of money burning holes in pockets across America!

But how many of the people will go spend that money in a BOB (Black owned business)? We've GOT to do better. We have to be much more concious about WHO we spend our money with and WHAT we spend it on.

This year, I upped my Blackness game. I'm banning non-Black designer bags from my wardrobe. Lemme tell you, I rocked Coach, LV and Gucci HARD for YEARS. I still have my first coach from 1984 and my first Gucci tote from 1988. If it ain't Tracy Reese or Alek Wek or some other fly sista', I can't do it. (Note: I can't afford any of these yet so I am going purseless for a while. I carry my stuff in a generic tote and take what I need into the store). I gave up white designers years ago. Since becoming a Muslim, most of my suits are custom made by my Black seamstress. I'm bringing my A game to this one.

I give books as gifts to nephews, nieces and my godson. I've always given them books about Blacks or with Black main characters, but I'm now going for Black authors only for the yungins to teach them a lesson in support. The rest they can borrow from the library. These are things that may seem small to some, but for me I need to make everything about me a statement of support for Blacks and thier busiensses.

It's vital to me as a Black business owner to lead the way on all fronts.

I already shared, a few posts back, how I shop at the African Caribbean Market first, the Halal market second and the big grocery store DEAD LAST for food.

We can't go out like this. Just this week I've read about 2 Black record stores in Harlem and a Black book chain in the northeast going out. Here is Big City Wanna Be, the largest Black owned mortgage company just merged with a white company and now is majorly owned by whites.

Just $5-$10 each week in a BOB is great and easy start. Most communities have a Black business directory. Ask around.

I know...but I've got a good excuse!

I haven't seen the movie. But it's like this. I have a stressful job a times. I just had to do battle with some "race baiters". The one's who call you a reverse racist at every turn. Well, I am just not up for any movie that shows any racial tension. I live it and don't feel like watching it dramatized. Sorry, D. I'll have to catch the DVD in a couple months.

The lurking...

I took baby girl and her partner in crime to the library. We took off our coats and put their backpacks on the backs of their chairs. The children began to work on puzzles when I saw her.

ANOTHER BLACK MOTHER!

I smiled, but she didn't see me because she was totally into her son. They were playing ball in the reading area. Then I tried to make eye contact again. I smiled at her and she just stared me down. That wasn't the first time that that happened to me in "big city wanna be" so I just went on about my business figuring she was a nanny or just not friendly.

When I walked closer to the area that the mother and child were in I noticed that there was only one more woman in there, a young white woman, and she was texting on her phone and didn't have children with her.

Then I saw the Black mother with a diaper and wipes taking her son to the restroom and the lady followed behind and sat in a chair so she could see the bathroom door.

That's when I figured it out. The mother was having a supervised visit with her child. She gave him a bottle, some snacks, read to him, played with him all while closely monitored.

The monitor listened to how she spoke to the boy and offered suggestions for better communication. Example:
Mom: Put that down boy, before I have to get you.
Monitor: Just remove it from his hand and say no-no.

When it was time to go, the monitor put the boy in her car as the mother walked away.

I'm still trying to figure out how this made me feel. It was the first time I saw this and I'm feeling like I should do something but there's nothing to do. Obviously the mom is trying or she wouldn't be allowed to visit. But the lurking monitor was so disturbing to me.