Thursday, March 13, 2008

It's called SELF esteem...

I was listening to someone on News and Notes today and they said, "Arrogance is a sign of low self esteem."

I believe that so much. I have a really hard time listening to or reading people who take so much time worry about "the least of these".

Here in BCWB, Ky (Big City Wanna Be) EVERYONE has a degree. From the guy washing your car, to the car salesman, to the aid at the day care. UK must give those damn bachelor's degree's out. I know people with PhD's teaching GED classes and working in call centers. Both because they are "too militant" to work in offices. They have been labeled and bad mouthed by Blacks who don't want to be associated with them. Why can't we just let people be?

Everyone has a degree or two or three but you find some other way to put people down. Maybe it's their clothes, an accent, the car they drive, the zip code they live in, if they rent v. own a home, any excuse to make yourself feel good.

Why do we as Blacks have a "collective self esteem". Why do we feel embarrassed by other Blacks? I heard someone say it is because we are taught to look at each other as family. But is that reasoning any better? If you have a sister who is a crack head, should you be embarrassed? Hell no! You shouldn't be proud of her, but it's not yours to own.

I'm sort of venting and have been for a couple weeks about this.

Your critique of others if based on how you feel about yourself.

When you get ready to talk about someone, or a group of people with a particularly offensive characteristic or habit, stop and ask yourself how seeing them makes you feel. If you are embarrassed, ask yourself why? And then ask yourself why you didn't talk WITH the person instead of talking ABOUT them to others who can't change a thing about them.

I know a sister who suffers from a mental illness. I only found this out when a friend of ours' son died suddenly. She would do as much as she could to help and then had to take a pill. Once she did, she sat on the porch rocking. Well one night we were in a meeting and she was very passionate about something but it wasn't making a lot of sense so it just sound like an incoherent rant. (much like this post). As I was leaving the meeting I heard two women talking about her. One says, "What's wrong with her, is she crazy?" And I interrupted and said, "How would she know? Go talk to the sister and ask her to sit down calmly and try to tell you what she was trying to say. It's really rude to talk about someone especially in earshot of others." The one talking just tried to make excuses for why she was asking the question, but it all sound stupid. The other girl looked really sorry.

Gossiping and "cracking" is hard to refrain from. It took my younger brothers to point out to me that I cracked and made fun of others. I thought it was funny but they thought I was talking about people, and really I was. When I realized how foolish I sound, I quit! It's hard to stop, but please stop. You are trying to keep attention from yourself but it's not working. You sound really foolish and your low self esteem is showing!

I think it's upsetting me because here in Ky, we hear all of the gossip and it is used as a weak excuse for not unifying as a community. We are only 13% of the population here so we can't afford all these silly divisions. Then online, I see bloggers talking about groups of people (rappers, people on welfare...) and then there are 50-60 cosigners. And anyone who calls them on it is ganged up on. It's like the movie Mean Girls, for real. And if you're guessing, it's not one blog in particular. There are a few that I've browsed upon.


Don said...

You are trying to keep attention from yourself but it's not working. You sound really foolish and your low self esteem is showing!

Nooooo, sister P. I was only making a joke. Its never done with malice. I am a very compassionate human being. Seriously.

I do understand exactly where you are coming from though. Its the way of the world, unfortunately.

Sister P said...

@ Everyone:
I want to be sure that I'm not doing what I've seen done. I don't want these random comments to cause you to think I'm talking about you.

I'm really making a general observation, that comes from a place of understanding. When I was hurting, I tried to focus peoples attention everywhere but on me.

I am wrong sometimes and I need others to tell me I'm wrong (in a nice way). I'm going to work on a post about what a friend is and what a friend is not.

African girl, American world said...

It is very easy to become like sheep not only in blog-land but in life. One blogger called these people 'sheeple' and I've been using it since. I think people want to be liked so much that they'll agree with anything. It is those very blogs I stay away from. They do not one thing for me.

You know asking someone flat out is not as much fun as making things up about them...such a shame.

Brother OMi said...

1. there is such a thing called elitism.

2. being a member of a group of people who were oppressed, we come to believe in a false sense of power. we think if we have degrees, or alot of money, or big houses, that we are now powerful or more powerful than "other" people.

3. it is easier to lay blame on someone else then to try and pitch in to help out.

4. when i see crackheads, i am not embarrassed about the crackhead (had a few in my family). I am embarrassed at the fact that they stole from us and I am embarrassed at the fact that at a few moments in my life, I thought lesser of them.