Don did a post that got me thinking of loves gone by.
First, for the record, I am married to a Diamond Among Men and plan to be for the rest of my or his life.
But I wasn't always his wife. In another life I was single. I was a single college student and after a failed first marriage, I was a single adult woman. And I had a ball! As a matter of fact my current husband was my first boyfriend in college, but he was all intelligent and "right" and I was looking for Mr. Wrong and Ignorant. (We broke up and reconnected 12 years later. He said he always knew he'd marry me. )
But, I've been rethinking these relationships and my current marriage. What about me was attracted to these men and what about me was attractive to these men.
This train of thought, led me to my current and past friendships with other women. Many of them I loved (get your mind out the gutter Don) and do love, but somehow couldn't sustain our friendship.
I was going to break some of these down thinking it would help me get to the next level. But then I thought of this...
I am soooooo looking forward to turning 40 next year.
My twenties were so tumultuous. Quitting college, getting married, raising a stepdaughter, having her taken away from me, working three jobs, doing my own divorce, being homeless, was a trip!
My thirties have been a chance to get a grip on who I want to be in this life. I am moving deliberately toward a goal.
I hope to refine myself in the next decade.
So, recalling past loves gone by may send me into a funk. I could begin having feelings of guilt, shame, blame, etc. which could cause a setback. I'm leaving it all in the past but will deal truthfully with anyone from my past should they resurface.
My fond memories, I'm putting back into a quilted box, putting a velvet ribbon on them and placing them in the back on my mind's closet.
My bad memories, I'm writing in black ink on black paper and burning in my minds furnace. I'm letting them go. I'm letting them go. I'm letting them go. If I had known better, I'd have done better. If I had been stronger, I may have found myself in jail. So for what I went through and where I am now, I am thankful.