Fascinating Friday - Gratitude

Every so often I a feel a rush of gratitude for the simplicity of my life and life style. 

At first glance my life could appear intense.  At times I feel that it is.  But actually it is really peaceful.

When I prioritize properly (Allah, family, household, work) it is a good life and one that I enjoy.

I have time for myself within all of those things mentioned and really think that a simple life is a good one.

My phrase for the weekend: A simple life is not for the simple minded. 

What I needed

Blogging was what I needed.

I needed a place to say what was really on my mind.

I needed a place to not be seen as a Muslim.

I needed a place to not be seen as a homeschooling mother.

I needed a place to not be seen as a champion for the rights of Black people.

I needed a place to not be seen as a business owner or boss.

I needed to be vulnerable and passionate and confused and unsure.

I needed a place to be seen as Sister P, who is all of those things but not just any one of those things.

I am a person who has a variety of interests and has her own opinions about a lot of things.

I needed a place to practice being myself and not allowing people to "pigeon hole" me.

I got that.

I got what I needed from this excercise and met some great people along the way.

If you haven't realized it, this is my public good bye.

What a blessing.

Can I just take a moment to publicly acknowledge how WONDERFUL my life is?

I love what I do for a living.

I spend most of my days with my husband and my daughter. We are a big package deal and I love that.

We work from home.

We get to be with my daughter as she learns, discovers and grows.

We have food in the fridge, our lights and water are on and I have nothing in the pawn shop! LOL! (somebody who is self-employed knows what I'm talking about :o)

I skipped out on some work time to bake brownies with my babygirl and take her to homeschool park day and then took a nice 2 hour nap so I am about to take my laptop up to my bedroom and finish the rest of my writing and editing work. I can work in bed while my daughter sleeps around the corner.

This is a great life. Not a lot of stress, just a lot of joy.

I wish you all peace and joy and all the love you can stand.

I just got to work

OK, it's 3pm on Monday.

I was tired from the weekend but I got up on time. Had some water and a peach before sunrise. Off to a great start.

THEN... I went to the my front hall closet and the floor was wet. I had to clear the closet. Then I realized it was coming from my stopped up dishwasher......WHAAAAAAAAAH!

I had a bunch to do to get this taken care of between homeschooling.

Then I pulled myself together to make a 2pm meeting and the business owner I was meeting had a note on the door that said they were closed today.

I guess I'll get to it.

Ever have one of those days?

It's called SELF esteem...

I was listening to someone on News and Notes today and they said, "Arrogance is a sign of low self esteem."

I believe that so much. I have a really hard time listening to or reading people who take so much time worry about "the least of these".

Here in BCWB, Ky (Big City Wanna Be) EVERYONE has a degree. From the guy washing your car, to the car salesman, to the aid at the day care. UK must give those damn bachelor's degree's out. I know people with PhD's teaching GED classes and working in call centers. Both because they are "too militant" to work in offices. They have been labeled and bad mouthed by Blacks who don't want to be associated with them. Why can't we just let people be?

Everyone has a degree or two or three but you find some other way to put people down. Maybe it's their clothes, an accent, the car they drive, the zip code they live in, if they rent v. own a home, any excuse to make yourself feel good.

Why do we as Blacks have a "collective self esteem". Why do we feel embarrassed by other Blacks? I heard someone say it is because we are taught to look at each other as family. But is that reasoning any better? If you have a sister who is a crack head, should you be embarrassed? Hell no! You shouldn't be proud of her, but it's not yours to own.

I'm sort of venting and have been for a couple weeks about this.

Your critique of others if based on how you feel about yourself.

When you get ready to talk about someone, or a group of people with a particularly offensive characteristic or habit, stop and ask yourself how seeing them makes you feel. If you are embarrassed, ask yourself why? And then ask yourself why you didn't talk WITH the person instead of talking ABOUT them to others who can't change a thing about them.

I know a sister who suffers from a mental illness. I only found this out when a friend of ours' son died suddenly. She would do as much as she could to help and then had to take a pill. Once she did, she sat on the porch rocking. Well one night we were in a meeting and she was very passionate about something but it wasn't making a lot of sense so it just sound like an incoherent rant. (much like this post). As I was leaving the meeting I heard two women talking about her. One says, "What's wrong with her, is she crazy?" And I interrupted and said, "How would she know? Go talk to the sister and ask her to sit down calmly and try to tell you what she was trying to say. It's really rude to talk about someone especially in earshot of others." The one talking just tried to make excuses for why she was asking the question, but it all sound stupid. The other girl looked really sorry.

Gossiping and "cracking" is hard to refrain from. It took my younger brothers to point out to me that I cracked and made fun of others. I thought it was funny but they thought I was talking about people, and really I was. When I realized how foolish I sound, I quit! It's hard to stop, but please stop. You are trying to keep attention from yourself but it's not working. You sound really foolish and your low self esteem is showing!

I think it's upsetting me because here in Ky, we hear all of the gossip and it is used as a weak excuse for not unifying as a community. We are only 13% of the population here so we can't afford all these silly divisions. Then online, I see bloggers talking about groups of people (rappers, people on welfare...) and then there are 50-60 cosigners. And anyone who calls them on it is ganged up on. It's like the movie Mean Girls, for real. And if you're guessing, it's not one blog in particular. There are a few that I've browsed upon.

So sorry, so sorry....

So sorry that I recommended this BULLSHIT!!!

Did you watch this long ass trainwreck last night?

How could you OBLITERATE a classic even with top notch actors (minus poutin' ass Puffy)? Well, they did it. I don't care what nobody says. They did WAY TOO MUCH and like a fool I kept watching, thinking it would get better. I had no idea it was THREE HOURS.

I'm done...as you were people...

Nick Jr. is the debil too!

It's more than Disney. I could go on about a bunch but let's also take a look at Nick Jr. and their insistence on eliminating the positive images of Blacks. I came back to this because I was speaking to a local author who published a series of books that show images of how Blacks have been portrayed over the years. She not only collects Black memorabilia but all "happy meal toys" from McD's and a lot of Disney and other toy-type items. She is 58 and when I finished sharing my sentiments, she said in a low voice. "You just helped me see what was right in front of my own eyes." In her book on the Black child, she shared that often Blacks were shown as animals (mainly crows and bears) in children's books. And it's still going on, just subtly. She hadn't paid attention to what was on TV for children because she doesn't have any. She said to me, "They don't even want our images in front of their own children so they make us animals."

Exhibit A: Positive Black images
Gullah Gullah Island was a great show on from December 1994 - January 1998. The show is no longer on nor are the DVD's still available in retail stores. (I hear reruns are on Noggin but I don't get that channel) Total run: About 3 years.
Little Bill showed a great family life with real stories. Aired September 2000-September 2002. No DVD's available and was on CBS on and off on Sunday's. Total run: 2 years

Exhibit B: Other minorities and Black's animals
Dora the Explorer has been running non-stop since 1999 and they made a spin-off show, Go Diego Go in 2005. Both are Latino and teach Spanglish. Total run: 8 years and still going.
The Backyardigans were created by a sister and features some Black voices, but they are little creatures and not real children. Running strong since 2004.

The whole point that I'm making is that if you even WANT to expose your children to positive images of themselves to spark their imagination and creativity (before they are able to read) then it is a hard and arduous task.

I taken all I can stand...

...and I can't stand no more!

I just blogged about people who put others down for doin' themselves and here I go...I don't mind it when you do you, but don't make the kids do your nonsense too!

Let me explain...overall, I think Disney is the debil. Flat out.

Historically, I have problems with it because my family owned land in Florida that Disney World now rests its trillion dollar ass-sets on and we ain't rich from the buy out. (Can you say stolen wealth?) But I digressed.

Disney is the debil for the promotion of white only princesses and tales. Everything that was meant to be about "us" was turned into talking animals. You know the Lion King was 'bout a Black boy. All them Black voices...in Africa...please.

Disney is the debil for making Deborah's Cheetah Girls a multicultural mess and robbing her of her dough.

Disney is the debil for how they made Quincey on The Little Einstien's. The show would've been cool but why does the Black boy have to be chubby and a whiz on every single instrument?

Disney is the debil for making Cinderella starring (and exec. produced) by Whitney Houston and Brandy a TV, then straight to DVD movie instead of a big screen version.

But of course, this is my view. One that is also fairly popular on the Black Home School Yahoo! groups.

But for the life of me I don't get how we ALLOW our Black daughters (and even son's) to "idolize" this little Hanna Montana. Her acting and singing are average and I'm not even trippin' on that because so was Raven Symone's.

The ish that irks me is the t-shirts, the posters, the concerts, the movies, THE OBSESSION. We ABSOLUTELY can control that. I don't want my daughter to have posters up of anyone who doesn't look like her or a blood relative.

I know that is may be unpopular or even seem harsh to some here who have fallen in love with these here "United States", but I've been in this country my entire life and spend a lot of time talking to my elders about their upbringing and experiences. I pride myself in having Black friends from all over the planet. And as I talk to them I realize that I have adopted 'traditional' values. Ones that are normal for people who grew up 'right' in this place and other parts of the world.

Is the Hanna thing just fun? I don't think so. It's not for us!!! It's a cool thing for someone else, but not us.

I had posters on my wall from Right On! Magazine. Dwayne from What's Happening, Prince and The Fat Boys were on my walls in junior high. My white neighbors had white people on their walls. Everybody kept it real. We had the Jackson's, they had the Osmond's. They liked the Partridge Family and so did we, but they had the posters and we didn't.

I just couldn't take it when someone's son asked me if my TV got Hanna Montana. Then my good friends blog showed her niece and crew all Hannah'd out (at least I didn't do this on your blog girl, LOL) I had a moment and I'm back.

Hate me if you like...I've put it to rest now and won't reply to any posts. I'd love to hear your take, but my mind is made up on this one!

I've got so much trouble on my mind...refuse to lose!

The state of Black business has really got my head aching.

Obviously it's hard out here for non-Black businesses too or Lil' G (Pres. Bush to some) wouldn't be handing out cash hoping people don't spend it on necessary things, but go blow it on flat screens. Can you smell that? That's the smell of money burning holes in pockets across America!

But how many of the people will go spend that money in a BOB (Black owned business)? We've GOT to do better. We have to be much more concious about WHO we spend our money with and WHAT we spend it on.

This year, I upped my Blackness game. I'm banning non-Black designer bags from my wardrobe. Lemme tell you, I rocked Coach, LV and Gucci HARD for YEARS. I still have my first coach from 1984 and my first Gucci tote from 1988. If it ain't Tracy Reese or Alek Wek or some other fly sista', I can't do it. (Note: I can't afford any of these yet so I am going purseless for a while. I carry my stuff in a generic tote and take what I need into the store). I gave up white designers years ago. Since becoming a Muslim, most of my suits are custom made by my Black seamstress. I'm bringing my A game to this one.

I give books as gifts to nephews, nieces and my godson. I've always given them books about Blacks or with Black main characters, but I'm now going for Black authors only for the yungins to teach them a lesson in support. The rest they can borrow from the library. These are things that may seem small to some, but for me I need to make everything about me a statement of support for Blacks and thier busiensses.

It's vital to me as a Black business owner to lead the way on all fronts.

I already shared, a few posts back, how I shop at the African Caribbean Market first, the Halal market second and the big grocery store DEAD LAST for food.

We can't go out like this. Just this week I've read about 2 Black record stores in Harlem and a Black book chain in the northeast going out. Here is Big City Wanna Be, the largest Black owned mortgage company just merged with a white company and now is majorly owned by whites.

Just $5-$10 each week in a BOB is great and easy start. Most communities have a Black business directory. Ask around.

Have a great one....

Remember when I was feeling like this?

Then my sister came and did this?

Now we're happy like this!

(My mom, dad, two nephews and my baby-girl)

Hope your day is great. I'm having a ball and may have to ice my elbow from being so damn competitive. I've been whuppin' azzez all day on Wii! Don't try to box with Sista P, EVER!

Hope you are somewhere happy with some folks you love!

B.D.T.

I was watching Black Disgraceful Television last night. I was surfing and saw that it was the finale of Sunday Best. I have only occasionally followed the show so it didn't really matter to me who won, both women were EXCEPTIONAL.

I sat there watching and thinking how disgraceful it is that the best show to happen to BDT was from the creators of A.mer.ican I.d.o.l. We don't own the network and we can't even come up with progamming. What is the point?? Call it something else.

Then before I can dry my eyes from the emotional win, here comes the intro to Co.ll.e.g.e Hill with a guy puking into a toilet, trying to sober up from a drunken binge. Yeah, great programming there!

I am not just being a couch critic here. I own/produce and host my own radio show so I know how hard scheduling and programming are. There are many things to consider. I do it most times singlehandedly. (I have a production assistant from time to time when I can find someone who can keep up with my pace. Right now I have one who is 'da bomb!) I know that they have a big enough budget for competent staff.

And while I'm going there. I can think of a new name for BE.T. Call it D.I.S. for Dr. Ian Sm.ith, is anyone else tired of seeing him? Meet the Faith, 50 Million Pound Challenge Commercials, Co.lle.g.e Hill...it's too much!

Don't even get me started on the show American Gangster. Are you serious? In 2007 you want to teach us the history of some of "our" most notorious criminals and you have no children's programming or news shows? Get outta here.

Update: I read this piece that ran in the L.A. Times with Reginald Hudlin praising their "upgrades" while asking why "we" don't say anything about "I Love NY" and "Flava of Luv"--I had high hopes for him too *sigh*

The adult child of divorce

Let me start by saying that I am among the fortunate ones. I am 38 years old and both my parents and my only sibling are all alive and doing well health wise and financially. I REALLY love talking to them and seeing them.

BUT...here's the problem. My parents separated in 1982. Yes, I remember the year. It was a bit traumatic for me. I graduated from eighth grade and my sister graduated from HS and went to college and lived on campus. That summer, I went on a trip to Pittsburgh with my grandmother and when I returned both my parents picked us up from the bus station. Once we got home, my dad told me that he had moved out and they were getting a divorce.

In the 25 years that have passed, my parents have gone from yelling and cursing at/about each other to not speaking to being able to be in the same room with each other when necessary. Usually this tolerance is reserved for funerals and my baby shower and graduations.

Well, you may be asking what the problem is. Here it is.

I live several hundred miles away. It takes me 7 hours to get back to Detroit. I have a three year old, a husband and sometimes some medical equipment (that's another post).
Here is a typical visit.
1. Stop at Dad's. Bring in luggage. Eat, talk, rest, sleep.
2. Get up on day two, repack the car, go to moms. The three of us sleep several days on the pull out in the living room of her one bedroom apartment. My husband is a late sleeper and my mother wakes at the crack of dawn and my husband I sometimes nap during the day because we have a youngster who sometimes has a late night, especially when we travel. But napping isn't feasible on a couch in a one bedroom.
3. During the visit we shuttle to my sisters. We eat some with her, some with mom, but the rest of the trip we don't see my dad because he doesn't just "hang out" where my mom is.
4. Then the last day, we pack back up, go back to my dads and spend the night before heading back.

This is the life of an adult child of divorce. I would love to go to Detroit and stop at one house and have everyone come and see us. We could venture out each day and spend a few hours here and there, but I'd like to have a room with a door on it. I'd like to not have 4 or more people in a bathroom. I'd like to not unpack my car 3 times during the trip. I'd like my parents to be able to eat dinner with us on a holiday instead of my dad never being invited because my mom is coming. Or when my dad was married if we'd eat at his house and my mom would be alone. Who can enjoy really enjoy eating when one of your parents is sitting at home watching tv until you bring them a plate.

I honestly skipped Thanksgiving in Detroit because my last visit wore me out. My sister, mother and father all live in suburbs that are an hour apart. I just didn't feel up to the shuffle. My sister bought a new house and invited us to stay there, but I'd feel guilty about not staying at my moms. I hope she doesn't read this before I work up the nerve to talk to her about it. But I have to find a better way to do that trip.

I LOOOOOOOOVE my family and feel like a whiny brat for saying this but it's really how I'm feeling.

Getting the hang of this

I am now well past my all time high number of posts for a month, which was 8. I have never been a consistent journaler. I guess to be honest, I am not consistent with anything. But I'm liking this and I'm going to start doing a wider variety of posts. I don't do this for hits, I do it to clear my mind and put it out there in case I ever need it again. But again, I'm enjoying this on-line adventure!

Calm, cool, collected

That's my mood today. For the first time in a long time I am not feeling rushed or under the gun. I didn't think about how life would be as the owner of a newspaper, and I should have. This constant deadline that I am on get's to be overwhelming at times. But today, I'm cool. I pushed my deadline back and now I'm cruising in to the finish line instead of running to the finish line with an armful of files and tripping over my shoelace and falling face first over the line with papers flying everywhere. That would make a great cartoon but it's not cool to be the one in a perpetual out of balance state. I'm going to really strive to get organized before 2008. I'm not superstitious but I do believe in setting goals to finish or begin things by January 1. Only because it's easy to remember as an anniversary.

Well, I'm back to work, but I'm chillin'. I'm not stressed one bit but I'm going to keep a steady pace so I won't be blogging about stress on Monday.

Much peace,
Sister P

Right now...

I'm feeling good.
Had a productive work day and even managed to get in some "idiot box" time. I watched that damned Chef Gordon do a "helluva" makeover on a restaurant. But I managed to get some inspiration from his last few words. He basically told the restaurant owner (who was about to shut down) that now that he was back on track, he had to transition from just a chef to a restaurateur.

I am right there with my business. I have to go from managing editor and talk show host to CEO. Though I'm doing that, I don't have the "mentality". I work "with" my staff and don't really allow myself the space to move the business forward. I think that everyone feels like they have input, but they don't all stay awake at night strategizing our next move like me and then I'm swayed by their "gut reaction" or impulsive suggestion.

I have to take charge. This is my life and my business. This is the business that I am building for generations to come so I have to set a strong foundation and no better time than the crucial year 6. 80% of small businesses fail in the first 5 years and we are in the 4th quarter of a hellacious year 5.

I'm ready to make that move and now I realize that that was what all the crying has been for. I've been going through a birthing process and I'm half way through labor, without the pain medication (drugs/alcohol). It's rough but I'll make it and we'll be a happier family for it.

Never scared...nervous maybe....but scared, NEVER!

I'm back, thanks for checking for me Creole and others. Duty called and I had to put in some major work to make sure we stay in business. I own a newspaper and a radio program and every once in a while I have to put myself on punishment to get all of my work done. But I'm out of the corner...here's something I was working on before my departure....

Because I write and talk for a living I think that I have been deliberately random and vague here. But that ends today. I still need to vent now and again and so since my blog is pretty unknown and rarely read, I'll go a little more in depth this time.

Those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting Sister P in person don't know that I am sooooo opinionated and often find myself in verbal sparring matches with those who are ill-equipped to be in the ring.

More often though, people talk about me behind my back because it's easier than facing me or they are feeling people out to see if they can get away with their attempt at character assassination.

Without getting too personal...I don't just "run" a newspaper...I own it.

I covered a story about where I felt some young men were being prosecuted to fullest extent of the law just to make an example out of them (see page 2 of this paper)

Because of this fact I really can't stand our local prosecuting attorney.

Well, you may have read how excited I was about jury duty. I got called for what could be a 2 day trial and I'm too hyped. They begin asking us all of these elimination type questions and one is, "Who knows the prosecutor?" I don't "know" him other than professionally but wanted to make it known, so I asked to approach the bench.

What I told the judge was this, "I don't like "bald headed midget prosecutor" and I know he's not personally trying the case, but if he comes in here I may get distracted because he over charges Black people and also I'm on his email list and get sent links to his innappropriate, unprofessional website."

Because I approached the bench, they put white noise on so no one could hear me except the judge and attorneys. It wasn't a shocker that I didn't get picked for the jury but here's the KICKER!

The head of the local Human Rights Commission comes up to me a couple of weeks later and says, "I heard how you got out of jury duty!" I say "WHAT????" He says that "bald headed midget prosecutor" told him about what I said.

Hubby says don't sweat it but I'm fuming and now paraniod that he's going to try and get me.

Well about a week later, I run into "bald headed midget prosecutor" and ask him how this person heard what I said. He says that he heard the tape and mentioned it to "few people". For what??? He says, "I can do that."

I know that he was testing the waters to see who would have my back if he came after me. But I know all the Black folks and you just wouldn't want to mess with the owner of the Black paper, I could devote pages to discrediting you.

I won't tell you exactly what I said to him so I can deny it if ever called to testify in my own defense, LOL, but I will say that I let him know that Yvonne didn't raise no punks and Sister P ain't neva' scared.

The neighborhood park

We take baby-girl to the park almost daily. Me and my hubby alternate but every time I go I get p'd off by PARENTS ON THE DAGBLAMMED PHONE.

MESSAGE TO THE IDIOTS (feel free to read it even if you aren't one, LOL!)

You bring your CHILD to the playground then sit in a swing that the kids could be swingin' in and talk your ass off!!!

Then your child keeps yellin' "could SOMEBODY help me?" and other parents have to split time with their children to BABYSIT for you.

The best part is this...you talk loud enough for all to hear "yeah, Imma' get off now, I'm at the park with my pookums" and then stay on for another 20 minutes, then as soon as you hang up you say, "Let's go".

Didn't your momma teach you that it's rude to carry on a conversation in front of other people when they aren't included? That includes your children!!!

Are you afraid that someone in the park is going to think that you HAVE to hang out with your child because you don't have friends?

CLUE: You probably don't have any friends because from where I am, I only hear you talking a mile a minute and I'm sure the other person is ignoring you!

OK, I'm done. I just feel so bad for the children who are YEARNING for attention and the selfish dummies who are called parents can't see that.

P.S. I just LOVE watching baby girl play. I feel like the best mom in the world when I see her having a ball.

Tired of talking about......

There are some subjects that I am just tired of discussing.
#1 WEIGHT and DIETS- If someone see's me and says, "You're losing weight. What are you doing?" I say, "Eating less, moving more." But noooooo that's not enough. What are you eating? What are you doing for exercise? How many times do you work out each week? and, and, and, and, There are many ways to lose it, like there are many ways to gain it. Quit talking about it, just be about it. I especially get tired of OVERweight people telling you about how they lost 10 pounds. I don't care. I REALLY don't.

#2 MONEY (or should I say lack of) - Everyone I talk to is grown. So as an adult you can do something about your finances. Again, just be about it and quit talking about it.

#3 HAIR-This was given to me by a friend. Black women and their hair rituals/obsessions are driving me crazy. Which relaxer gets your hair straighter...which colors are "natural"....are braids professional....should I grow locks.....

Typical conversation:
Sister P: Did anyone watch the "Black" democratic presidential candidate debates on PBS?
Black Woman #1: Girl naw, I was online reading about this new prune and banana diet.
BW#2: I was at the beauty shop until 10:30 getting some highlights.

Most of us don't talk about showering, shaving under our arms, brushing our teeth. It's a given and it's personal. I'd like money, dieting and hair to be the same.