How much money would it take to change your life?

I think as a nation, we're obsessed with the concept of more.

Most people could use ''more'' money, ''more'' time or ''more'' stuff  in their life.

But last year, I realized that it doesn't take much to really ''change'' your life.

My life was forever changed when my husband gave me $10,000 to start ''a business''. I didn't have a plan, just a shared vision. We envisioned having a family owned business that provided enough income for us to both work there and to create good paying jobs within the Black community.

2013 In Review

So here’s my rundown of my year that was 2013

Best thing I did for myself with the help of Allah: I let go of my feelings of inadequacy and for the greater good, relinquished my homeschool duties to my husband. It was tough as we transitioned. I missed being her teacher. But in truth and honesty, my husband is better equipped. He is more informed and better read than I am and we are teaching at such an accelerated pace, based on her interest, that I spent too many hours on preparation. Plus, he taught HS carpentry and mathematics for nearly 20 years before our babygirl came along. I am now PROUD of my husband for stepping up and feel no guilt or shame that he’s the best man for the job.

Best habit(s) I picked up with the help of Allah: I tried running for almost 2

months. I actually LOVED it. I have a few things to put in place before I can resume, but it is really something I can see doing for myself.

Second habit: Filing my receipts in a plastic pouch in my purse. O-M-G. When I’m balancing my account and can’t remember a charge, when I want to see if a price for an item is cheaper than I paid before, when I have a return or exchange…it is incredibly freeing to have these at my fingertips! Part 2 of this is organizing my purse. EVERYTHING has it’s own case within the purse. It have saved HOURS this year because I know where everything is.

Best new hobby with the permission of Allah: Extreme couponing. I’m not the type of couponer that will take ANYTHING because it’s free or cheap. I look for what we need and buy as much as I can with the amount I have available. I’ve amassed quit a stockpile of laundry supplies, toilet paper, paper towel and toiletries like expensive razors blades for my husband who sports a baldie and hair color for me *wink*.

Best thing I did for my family with the help of Allah: I began really studying and parsing How To Eat to Live Books 1&2 by the Hon. Elijah Muhammad as part of a class I’m enrolled in. We have changed our diets dramatically and though costly, it is offset by my coupon savings.

Best business power move of the year with the help of Allah: We left our, no longer beneficial, 8 year old radio contract and took the bold move to syndicate our own radio show. It’s the same amount of work for us, just with greater risk and greater reward. So far so good, but are continually in prayer and discussion to keep this business going. We’ve been all an all-in self-employed family since about 2005 and there’s no looking back. We are blessed with supportive family and friends who keep realistic, yet conscious of the trail we’re blazing. ALL praise is due to ALLAH.

If you’ll join me in the shallow lands here are a few more high points:

·       I started taking a B-complex vitamin and BAM, I have more energy and mental focus.

·       I am photographed A LOT and I am not photogenic at all. People who are

truthful with me tell that I look better in person. I dropped in to the mall one day and on the spur of the moment allowed myself to be made up at the Lancome counter. Since that day, I do not do public events without make up. It’s not much, just bit of liquid foundation, mascara and some barely tinted lip moisturizer but it has made a difference to me.

·       I have quit talking on the phone to friends. My best cousin and my best friend each get a call once every 2-3 months and we chat it up until we’re caught up. I only make time for my mom and dad. My mom is a daily call. My dad and I talk every Sunday and whenever else we have something, usually silly or mundane, to say.

·       My car is insured and properly registered! (Somebody just felt that)

My wish for all who stop by this blog: May you have PEACE with all that Allah has in store for your life in 2014. The good and the bad and the lessons.

Sister P

Wife 101 - Protecting Your Husbands Image Pt. 1

There are times when I reflect on my interesting life, full of experiences and personalities and stories I've collected. When I worked as a nail tech I learned so much about the lives and lifestyles.

As a women in Islam, I entered a club where women took their positions seriously and taught each other many valuable lessons and offered wonderful insights.

In an honest effort to help, I am going to begin offering some tips that's I've collected for tricky situations we may find ourselves in, without a road map out.

 Sista P's Advice on: Husband in the hospital 

1. Keep the children away! - "Children" is a general term that you'll have to decide for yourself. This advice is based on an immature child. Each of us knows when our child has reached a stage of maturity.

They should never see dad in a vulnerable position if it can be helped. Images are powerful and if a child see's their father incapacitated, it may forever change the relationship. They may begin to pity him, a teen male may see him as weak and begin to challenge his authority.

If it is a planned surgery, let them know that he is going to have a procedure done that will help his health. Lot's of details can cause their little minds to wonder and imagine the worst.

Every mom should have an emergency plan. If you call 9-1-1 there should be a trusted relative or friend who lives close by that you can call to care for your children while you travel with your husband or meet him at the hospital. Try to not let them see your husband on a gurney, unconscious, bloody, etc.

If he's in the hospital for more than two weeks you may consider letting the children see him. However, I'd only advise it if your husband can get dressed and sit in a lobby or common area and visit. But to see him laid up in a hospital gown? No ma'am!

Now, if it is certain that he will not survive then of course RUSH the children to say their parting words to their father. In'sha'Allah (if it is the will of Allah) this will never be your experience when your children are small. Broken legs and arms, do not qualify as incapacitated. I'm speaking of heart attack, strokes, gall bladder surgeries, etc.

 2. Always look "the same" when visiting. Don't show up extra cute thinking you'll make him feel better. He'll start imagining you out with someone else. Don't show up raggedy because he'll be stressed thinking you can't hold down the household without him.

3. Pictures of him in the hospital are a no-no. Constant FB posts about his hospitalization, not classy. If there are people who need to know, send them a message on FB and call or write them (even an email).

4. Social networking can also present a security risk. I'm from Detroit. Whenever there was a funeral, someone stays at the house during the services. Why? People read the obits and ROB HOUSES when they know everyone will be gone. Same with illness. If you're posting from the hospital and thanking Ms. Jackson for taking in your children, someone could think your house is an easy target.

5. Of course, keep up prayer yourself. Remember to take a Quran to your husband (with his reading glasses if he has some :o).  It will provide you with comfort.

6. Keep his hospital room clean. If the hospital staff is lacking, bring your own Lysol wipes and bleach to clean door handles, toilets seats, bed rails etc. Many people leave hospitals with infections because of unsanitary conditions.

7. If necessary, prepare his food. Bean soup is our standard meal to take for lunch and dinner.

The goal of all of this (in no particular order) is to 1) protect the image of your husband as a strong, capable man, 2) spend time making sure he is getting good care 3) make sure your children do not suffer needless worry and anxiety during this difficult time 4) provide you with time to focus on yourself, your husband and your family without distraction.

 Part II: When your husband is in jail or prison

Dependence = Love ;o)

I recently adopted a new phrase, "Dependence makes the heart grow fonder."

It would not be false to characterize me as fiercely independent and notoriously distrustful. Most times I don't "need" my husband for anything except hugs and kisses. I'm not that wife that needs help much. I love to get help, but I don't need it. I meet my obligations just fine, sometimes later than expected, but I get most jobs done.

Recently, I found myself unable to drive. (Don't pause, that's not the focal point of this story, so keep it moving :o)

I have started sending my husband on many of my normal errands. He now takes BabyGirl to choir practices, engineering club meetings and appointments. He drives me to the grocery store and loads groceries into and out of the car.

We ride together talking and I'm finding that it is good quality time. I never noticed how much we were apart during most days because I was running around, then he was running around. I'm even enjoying the time I get to be home alone while the two of them are gone.

The patience that my husband displays during my multi-stop runs all over town has really made me look at him more fondly. He still opens the car door for me and walks me to the door of any building without electric doors. I've been feeling extra special having him with me all the time to do that.

I know that I'll be cleared to drive again one day, but I think I'll keep this arrangement. It has really tightened our bond and made me feel really cared for and lady like :o)

This simple act of dependence has really done us good!

The advice of a "friend"

It is really tough to find an older couple to socialize with as a couple.

I don't know many couples that are #1....uh...happy.

Then to find a couple that has similar dynamics...ours are, no extended family in the area, work together, etc.

I know a couple of  sisters who have made bad choices in finding marriage advisors.

What I've come to realize is that it is better to be quite. Get quite and think about what the problem is. See how much of it is within your power to change and then think three times before speaking to your spouse about how this situation makes you feel.

No matter how much in common another couple has with you, remember this. You are the only "you" that Allah made and your husband is one of a kind too. No one can tell you what makes him feel loved except him and no one can tell him what pisses you off but you.

Talk to each other, you will give yourselves the best advice.

What a blessing.

Can I just take a moment to publicly acknowledge how WONDERFUL my life is?

I love what I do for a living.

I spend most of my days with my husband and my daughter. We are a big package deal and I love that.

We work from home.

We get to be with my daughter as she learns, discovers and grows.

We have food in the fridge, our lights and water are on and I have nothing in the pawn shop! LOL! (somebody who is self-employed knows what I'm talking about :o)

I skipped out on some work time to bake brownies with my babygirl and take her to homeschool park day and then took a nice 2 hour nap so I am about to take my laptop up to my bedroom and finish the rest of my writing and editing work. I can work in bed while my daughter sleeps around the corner.

This is a great life. Not a lot of stress, just a lot of joy.

I wish you all peace and joy and all the love you can stand.

Another celebration!

(Press play while reading..It's long so you may need a drink too! :o)

Can you stand all this fuggin' happiness?!
I tend to celebrate EVERYTHING. I love life and love the euphoric emotion we call happiness.

I celebrated my 100th post, my 1 year blog anniversary, my birthday and now.......MY EIGHTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!!!!


About a year ago, I posted "our story". I''ll do a repost so you can keep listening to the music :o) :

""""There was a 17 year old college freshman who was "saved, sanctified and filled with the holy ghost". She really went to college to find a husband. Since she didn't have a career goal, she wasn't sure of what to major in but had a band scholarship, so she chose Music Education.

In the music department there was a music library. It was actually used as a lounge and was a hangout for the choir members and music majors. There was a really handsome senior who locked and unlocked the doors each day. He was a business major but played the trumpet and was a member of the music fraternity.

The freshman and the senior hung out with the group of students that frequented the library. They all went bowling together, ate pizza together, typical college stuff. But the senior was much more serious and had deep feelings for the freshman who was just "dating." They'd have deep conversations about their upbringing and religious backgrounds and could not have been more different. Freshman was "saved", though she didn't know what it meant, and Senior didn't know who or what he believed in. But they keep talking and "dating". So when senior gave freshman a solid gold dome ring for Christmas, he was showing commitment and she saw it as just a gift. Well....

Freshman had been in the band and was tied up all of Fall quarter so she really didn't get a chance to socialize with the rest of the folks until football season was over. After Christmas break, Freshman realized she was HOT! She was being asked out by football players, other freshmen and frat guys. She was totally ignoring senior and began to lose interest because he wasn't as much "fun".

Some "he said/she said" foolishness made Senior really upset with Freshman. Senior tried to get her attention by starting an argument but it backfired and Freshman didn't speak to him anymore. So for the next year and a half that he was on campus (double major) they rarely spoke. But deep in his heart, Senior was hopeful.

Fast forward........

12 years after they met, the guy who "hooked up" freshman and senior committed suicide. The funeral was in the town that Freshman was now living as a recently divorced single woman. The suicide made Freshman realize that whatever problems she had with anyone were petty and she resolved to squash any feuds.

When senior didn't make it to the funeral (he was living 400 mi. away) Freshman asked around until she found his address and wrote him a letter basically saying that she didn't remember what they argued about but she wasn't mad, heard he was Muslim and hoped he was at peace.

Shocked that she found him, he wrote to her back but couldn't wait for the letter to reach her and called her on the phone. They began talking again and found that they had much in common and had the same goals of entrepreneurship and children and home schooling. He was already a Muslim and she had been studying Islam.

During their courtship he explained that he had never been married because freshman was the only girl he ever imagined himself married to.

Fourteen years after they met and two years after they reconnected, Freshman and Senior married, started a business and a family.""""

To my husband....I hope this life of ours is better than you imagined! Love you more, Sister P

Love list and stuff

I'm mid-way through my birth month and I haven't done anything else for me, per se. But in Islam we say, "anything you do of good, you do for yourself." Meaning, you are always the one who benefits when you do a good deed.

I have spent some time really looking at my husband and making sure he is taken care of. I know how easy it is to not SEE people when you see them everyday. I don't want to ignore him and his needs.

I got with another homeschooling mom and we started a Black homeschooler's group and we're out looking for other families to join us. (We know of a few but man, homeschoolers are hard to catch up with!)

I made a date with a friend for my actual birthday and will have photos from our big LADIES NIGHT ROAD TRIP on Monday the 28th.

Love list

#6 I love being intelligent.
#7 I love how many good memories I have.
#8 I love cooking from scratch. Just tasting something and going to work to duplicate it in my own kitchen is a passion.
Have a great weekend!

Weather condition.....combination rain and hail with gusty winds.

It's about to get deep in here. I go through these periods of growth that are usually painful to go through and equally painful to watch.

I have to get to the root of my discomfort and fear so I can get to the next level.

At this point in 2008, I have everything in place to make this my most productive and professionally rewarding year in history. I just have to get over a few personal and emotional hurdles/obstacles and I then I can run like the wind.

So I'm saying that to say...here I go. You can read along for the ride or catch me in a few. I hope to hear from you along the journey, but it really is my trip to take.

Remember the little things....

What could be a romantic season, with fireplaces blazing and sexy holiday songs by the Temptations playing, is often stressful for marriages. Even those who don't celebrate Christmas for religious reasons can find it stressful, with family visits and what has become obligatory gift exchanges.

Remember YOUR reason for the season and don't find yourself divorced by King Day.

Remember to take some time to do the little things that can make your spouse feel loved and show them that you appreciate them.

Some suggestions:
1. Give them a pedicure.
2. If you are NOT the regular cook, ask if there is a simple meal you can prepare.
3. Do an extra chore around the house.
4. If you have children, take them out or sit and watch a long movie with them while the other takes a nap.
5. Watch a DVD together.
6. Have a family dance party with some of your favorite tunes.

These are things we did this weekend and today, with a desk full of work, I don't feel so bad. After a WONDERFUL weekend like that, I can't complain!

Burnt eggs

Hubby: The quiche tastes different tonight.
Sister P: Maybe it's because I was in a rush and had to use store bought crust.
Hubby: No it's not the crust. Sometimes the quiche (spinach) tastes like meat.
Sister P: Oh, I didn't use any basil or Italian seasoning.
Hubby: Yeah, because sometimes it tastes like hot dogs. And you didn't over cook it, sometimes it tastes like burnt eggs.
Sister P: blank stare

Right now I am LOL, but earlier I wanted to say..."You ungrateful (bleeeeeeeeeeeep). How dare you call my quiche burnt eggs and hot dogs. How the hell do you know what burnt eggs taste like anyway???