Womens Work Wednesday - Getting it together

I love order and rules.

Give me a rule, that makes sense, and I will follow it.

I realized around September that I had a lot of goals and no clear path to completion. I felt that I could get more out of my day than I was, but felt helpless to fix it all.

So what did I do? I googled ''[my city] + life coach''.

I looked at websites of the first few and after three, I went right back to the first one.

My coach is a sister who I didn't know but, when I put her name into Facebook, we knew many of the same people. I loved her website and the fact that her program is called ''Get Shit Done''. A cussing woman, is my kind of woman (sad to say LOL).

Thoughts On The Page

Bismillah

When my husband and I were courting before marriage we had this running ''thing'' between us.

He would stand behind me, tell me to cross my arms and fall back toward him and I would not do it. I wanted him to SAY ''I will catch you'' and he felt like I should trust that he would not let me fall.

Initially, I thought that I had a trust issue. But I think it's really one of faith.

A little bit of guilt...or is it a dose of reality?

guilt - a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

I have been REALLY busy. Like, abnormally, ridiculously busy. Over and over I talk about my lack of planning and organization. But now, I'm starting to feel guilty about some of the things that get pushed to a back burner, or pushed completely off the stove, because I've run out of time for it.

PRODUCTIVE 101

I think that most, if not all, of my problems during any given day can be boiled down to my lack of organization. At this moment, I'm trying to find more time for exercise and sewing or crafting. I know I have 1 1/2 hours a night, I just can't find it right now!!

Here's how I tackled it:
1. The old-fashioned "to-do" list on my desk at work. Every time I sit at my desk, I know what I'm supposed to do by looking at that list and it cuts down on the time spent trying to think of what I was supposed to do. Also, I do NOT FACEBOOK, TWEET OR BLOG on my work computer. It's strictly business when I'm at my desk.

(google image)

2. A weekly menu. I shop using the menu and then I try to double up on the cooking or chopping. 

My menu this week:

• Baked Chicken, Rice, Broccoli and Carrots
• Baked Fish, spanish rice, broccoli
• Oven Fried Fish, Cole slaw, roasted potatoes
• Black beans and rice, spinach with garlic
• Navy Bean Soup, farina muffins, broccoli and carrots
• Lentil chili, farina muffins

Monday, chili was on the menu so I chopped all the green pepper, onions, carrots and garlic I'd need for the week and put it in bags in the freezer. Some things are shredded, some chopped by hand and some in a food processor. I bag them for each dish. (I'll take pics next time) This way I'm sure nothing will rot in the fridge if we eat out or get invited over for a dinner AND everything is handy I just throw it in a pot. 

Also, I made a double batch of farina muffins so I had to only bake one night. The second batch is in the fridge (or freezer)

(Before anyone tells me that they sell pre-chopped veggies in the grocery store, I know :o) I don't like that stuff though, it never gets soft and I don't know how long its been frozen. I only buy broccoli and spinach frozen if we didn't grow enough to last through the winter)

3. I straighten my living, dining and bathrooms each day. I don't let clutter, toys and mail build up.

I've been going strong on this routine since the beginning of the year, I think I can start sewing by this weekend. It took me a minute because I had some organizing projects to knock out. Like toy shelves for my daughter behind a door in the living room, re-organizing my kitchen cabinets and mapping my 2012 garden plots.

Gaining Focus

For the first time since my radio program began in 2005, I am taking a two month hiatus!  I'm really going to get into my lane and stay there!

My lane? The "homeschooling Muslim wife who has a business, weighs properly and has great friendships" lane.

For that reason, I am pulling back in some areas and "going in" in some areas.

Areas where I need to pull back - Facebook games, smartphone games. I might spend an hour on these a day. That is enough time for sewing, exercise, scrapping or cleaning.

Areas where I need to "go in" - Business planning, advance lesson planning, menu planning.

I am off to a good start. This post comes a few weeks after I've already started so I'm confident that these are not just words.

I'm re-energized!

Learning to swim in deep water...

This week I had a reality check.  How can I put this...I have this "obligation". 

I have said for a while now that I can't fulfill this "obligation" without the help of my husband.  I mentioned my anxiety to my husband, that the person who I committed to called again this week asking about this "obligation".   He said, "So what...what's the problem?"  He told me to just blow it off.  But I knew it wouldn't go away that way.  I'd have to come to some mutual understanding with the person so we could both feel satisfied and one person not walk away losing.

But my husbands answer made me furious and it hurt that he wouldn't "handle" this with/for me. So I stormed off...but then I began thinking...

When I don't want to do something,  I look for an excuse not to.  I was making my husbands non-participation my excuse.  He doesn't have anything to do with my over commitment and procrastination.  And these are the cause of the stress I'm feeling regarding this "obligation". 

But where does my over commitment and procrastination come from?  In this case, it has come from me not putting myself at the top of my list.  I really have always put others needs, desires and whims ahead of what is in my own best interest.  And it has gotten me to a bad place.  A place I want to walk away from as it burns to the ground.

How do I turn this ship around though?  Little by little, I have to do a few things:

1. Get organized.  I should have a daily cleaning schedule, menu plan, work plan and lesson plan.
2.  I have to prioritize.
3.  Besides the 4 things I have in point #1, I have to work on only 2-3 things at a time, but only if time permits.  I may have time to do only one thing sometimes.
4.  I have to listen to myself and not be so quick to change my plans and not be so quick to ask the advice of others. 
5.  I especially have to not make peoples judgements or assesments of me into MY truth.  I define me and my assisgnments come from Allah.  I know His voice when I hear it and need to block out the rest!  Just because someone has spoken "a word" from God to me in the past, does not mean that they are forever his spokesman!
6.  I must stop "obligating" myself long-term for tasks I don't enjoy.  We all do somethings that are not enjoyable, but I can't make that my norm.

This is how I'll learn to swim in the deep water, on my own...

Fascinating Friday - Gratitude

Every so often I a feel a rush of gratitude for the simplicity of my life and life style. 

At first glance my life could appear intense.  At times I feel that it is.  But actually it is really peaceful.

When I prioritize properly (Allah, family, household, work) it is a good life and one that I enjoy.

I have time for myself within all of those things mentioned and really think that a simple life is a good one.

My phrase for the weekend: A simple life is not for the simple minded. 

On this day one year ago....

I was thinking about life's cycles.

My husband reminded me that even nature goes through a renewal period. Now is the "death" in nature and Spring brings rebirth.

Then, I caught Will Smith on Oprah and he said basically the same thing. That we think of life in a straight line of birth, life, death. But we should see it as a circle where those three things keep repeating. We experience death of people, death of old habits, etc. and must use them as a chance to recreate.

I remember going through a dark time like this last year and was trying to find it in my blog. I ran into this post from last year.

I know that my life's work is hard, yet fulfilling. But I must find time for renewal BEFORE I experience the feeling of loss/death. I can't keep waiting until my tank is on "E" before I refuel.

I am worthy of a break.

I am worthy of pampering.

I am worthy of the best in life.

I am capable of achieving great things.

The randomness of my thoughts....

I say all the time that my husband is one of the few Renaissance Men I know left among us.

And who would attract a Renaissance Man but a Renaissance Lady.

I don't always think of myself as that.

But I guess I am.

I take pride in cooking and baking from scratch. It's the whole scientific piece that I like. The right ingredients and temperatures to make baked goods come out right. The combinations of foods that can soothe a stomach, ease cold symptoms or even change a bad mood to good.

I love sewing. Following directions, the mathematics of alterations, creating items without patterns. Just love it.

I love being a business woman. The respect I get for it is a high. I love saying, "I own the local Black newspaper." I call the shots and I make a living and I'm doing something for community. My newspaper, radio program, website and business directories are all free. I feel good about what I do and how we do it.

I am honored to be my daughters teacher. To come up with lessons and see the moment of understanding is priceless and indescribable.

I often admire those who are my closest friends (including my husband). But today I realized, I'm pretty damn amazing myself.

The long lost love list continues

I started a list of 100 things I love about myself or my life..

#20- I love that I am still trying to grow. When I recognize an opportunity for improvement, I grasp it. Self-improvement is the basis for community development.

#21- I love that I'm comfortable telling my age. There is nothing worse to me than a woman who lies or is evasive about her age. You ever hear, "a woman who'll tell her age will tell anything." Well, that's about right! LOL! Tell the truth, shame the devil!

Confession

One of the first things that came to mind when I considered becoming Muslim was, "What am I going to wear???"

I know, sounds shallow. But that is real.

I had a seamstress when I lived in Chicago and this sister kept me "fresh to death" (how old school is that? LOL)

But now, a few years and a baby later, those garments are either too snug, too short or just tired.

I have resorted to buying longer tops from 'regular' stores and they are not right but I rock them since there's nobody here who knows what I should be wearing.

But the truth is, I'm not fooling myself. I don't feel good about myself when I am not wearing what I should. Tops that barely hit the thigh are not it.

I can't use the excuse that I don't sew since I've been knocking out projects around here.
I've done valances and garments and jackets and hats for BabyGirl.

So, I'm about to get my style back. I promise myself this!

What a blessing.

Can I just take a moment to publicly acknowledge how WONDERFUL my life is?

I love what I do for a living.

I spend most of my days with my husband and my daughter. We are a big package deal and I love that.

We work from home.

We get to be with my daughter as she learns, discovers and grows.

We have food in the fridge, our lights and water are on and I have nothing in the pawn shop! LOL! (somebody who is self-employed knows what I'm talking about :o)

I skipped out on some work time to bake brownies with my babygirl and take her to homeschool park day and then took a nice 2 hour nap so I am about to take my laptop up to my bedroom and finish the rest of my writing and editing work. I can work in bed while my daughter sleeps around the corner.

This is a great life. Not a lot of stress, just a lot of joy.

I wish you all peace and joy and all the love you can stand.

The love list continues

I'm making a list of #100 things that I love about myself...

#18--I love that I am optimistic and trusting. I am that half glass full person. I always believe and trust people until they give me a reason not to (which sometimes they do immediately). I love that about me. I've been hurt and taken advantage of and verbally abused. However, those experiences have not changed who I am at the core. A trusting individual.

#19--I love that I can hold a conversation with ANYBODY. I was reminded of this today. I'm on a committee that needed to fix a relationship with someone. They brought me because I'm passionate about the project and I'm Black (they needed a Black perspective on this one). We had to meet with a 60 something year old college president. He was white and that's all I knew about him :-) But we talked for a bit and next thing you know, we had talked for 20 mins. totally ignoring the women who called the meeting with him. We were laughing like we were old buddies. He told them, "No fair, brining "Sister P" in here." I left there with a new friend.

The love list is back...

I've been getting so much love lately, I forgot about my list...but I'm back.

#15- I love how my birthday, my wedding anniversary and Mother's Day are close together. They are close enough to keep a happy feeling going for about 3 weeks straight but not so close that I have to get combined gifts!

#16- I love that I appreciate simple things like flowers (even from the grocery) and cards that are mailed the old fashioned way.

#17 - I love that I am still "Detroit fabulous" and enjoy trillion cut diamonds, fur coats and Cadillacs. But I'm not "Detroit Stoopit" and I haven't gone into debt to get them. I've got one (none of yo bizness which) and will work on the other two, patiently.

Love List continues

#11- I love that I have found my purpose in life, have a passion for it, have the support to accomplish it, have the sense to study to qualify myself to do it, and make a living doing it.

#12 (sort of 11.5) - I love my job!!! Giving a voice to the often neglected Black experience is so rewarding. I meet people all the time who thank me for starting the paper and compliment me on the radio show or tell me they got customers from the business directory we publish and that makes me feel SOOO GOOOOD.

#13 I love my eyebrows.

#14 I love my thick, kinky, natural hair.

Blogging

Sometimes, I think about stuff to write about and then when I sit down at my computer I can't think of a thing.

So I'll just go back to my love list.

#9 I love that I can enjoy being with myself. I can go out to eat alone, go to a movie alone, shop alone, even travel alone. I love people. I can meet people while I'm out, I don't have to bring anyone with me.

#10 I love that I am not intimidated by the thought of trying new things. African dance, sewing something without a pattern, starting a business...I have a bring it on attitude!

Love list and stuff

I'm mid-way through my birth month and I haven't done anything else for me, per se. But in Islam we say, "anything you do of good, you do for yourself." Meaning, you are always the one who benefits when you do a good deed.

I have spent some time really looking at my husband and making sure he is taken care of. I know how easy it is to not SEE people when you see them everyday. I don't want to ignore him and his needs.

I got with another homeschooling mom and we started a Black homeschooler's group and we're out looking for other families to join us. (We know of a few but man, homeschoolers are hard to catch up with!)

I made a date with a friend for my actual birthday and will have photos from our big LADIES NIGHT ROAD TRIP on Monday the 28th.

Love list

#6 I love being intelligent.
#7 I love how many good memories I have.
#8 I love cooking from scratch. Just tasting something and going to work to duplicate it in my own kitchen is a passion.
Have a great weekend!

What I love about me and my life...

My girl LoveBabz had a love list going for a while and think I like that idea.

I've been having this reality check for a while and have been very deliberately focused on what is wrong in my life (most of March if you're back blogging :o). For now, I'd like to take a trip down Positivity Lane.

I want to think of 100 things that I love about me and/or my life.

1. I love my smile.
2. I love my laugh.
3. I love being tall.
4. I love being almost 39 and still having all the organs Allah sent me here with. And they are all working pretty well.
5. I love that I have learned to be transparent. Take me or leave me, this is the "real" me. And I am WONDERFUL as I am.