No better service to your community...

As I mentioned before I was so excited to be contacted about jury duty. Because of the lack of justice in so many areas including the legal system, I am excited when I get to really make a difference. I think jury duty is especially critical for Black people to take seriously because this is a time when your experiences and judgment are respected.

I don't consider myself a "conspiracy theorist" but there is a heck of a lot of stuff that I question. Knowing me, you know that this experience couldn't go off without a hitch.

As I was reading all the materials that came in the mail I realized that in my county (or State?) you serve for a calendar month. So after the first day of orientation you call in each night to see if you are due to come in to be considered for a trial. I have waited 20 years for this and today was my first day. Here's how it went...

8:30 a.m. Orientation- I'm in this room of about 300 people. I was surprised with how many Black people I saw. Mostly there were Black men!!! (This is great since so many defendants will probably be Black men.) After roll call the judge comes in and explains that some of us will get to be on the grand jury for June. I wanted to jump up and say, "Please pick me!!!" In case you don't know, the prosecutors present their reasons for wanting to put a person on trial then the grand jury decides if there is enough to indict the person or if the person can go free and not be charged. It was a random selection of 12 jurors and 3 alternates. We are called by number and not name so I guess it is pretty random. The first man called was Black. Then another Black man. Then me and the Black guy next to me started smiling. Some white people who were called said that they had conflicts, so they called another number and by the end of it 6 of 12 were Black and one of the alternates was too. I think there were only 5 women too. We joked that this was going to someone's lucky month to get that many Blacks on one grand jury. (Not that we all think alike, but you sure have better odds of someone being suspicious, oops, I mean, critical of the information presented when they are Black). It was looking to good to be true. Then before we took a break and the grand jury was escorted out, the prosecutor asked to approach the bench. When we came back from break, someone mysteriously had a conflict and they had to select another person. She was a white woman. This is "mysterious" since they gave us the dates and the chance to opt out of the grand jury 3 times before they were sworn it. I think the prosecutor didn't like the make up and pulled someone.

I'll let you know what happens next, but of course I can't discuss my cases. Just my experiences.

How'd I do?

Got an advice call today from a new friend. I’ll share:

Background on couple: Both husband and wife’s first spouse has died. Both have adult children from first marriages.

Husband and wife have an argument and husband packs two boxes and leaves. Wife cries and begs him to stay and “coldly”(her words in “”) he leaves anyway. Husband’s daughter calls to say she wants to come by and visit. Wife says now is not a good time and your father is not here. “He just left me.” She goes on and on with the daughter about why she “thinks” he left.

Next day husband is back; they kiss and make up. Later husband talks to his daughter then confronts wife about things she told his daughter. Wife says, “That’s not what I said, all I said was…”

She asks me, “You see what kind of husband I have and what I have to deal with?”

I asked if she REALLY wanted my opinion. She said yes. So here it is…

1. Husband was wrong. If you’re in it to win it, you shouldn’t be packing up and leaving. You need a “no revolving door policy.”

2. Wife was wrong. When you are in the middle of a disagreement or argument with your spouse, you should get quiet and begin to replay what happened and find solutions. Chatting it up, doesn’t allow you to reflect most times. This is because rarely do we admit our culpability when relaying a story to others. We are trying to get someone to agree with us that our spouse was wrong. So she talked way too much to the daughter and shared her personal hypothesis, the daughter twisted it up (intentionally or innocently) and it went to the husband and got back to the wife all wrong.

Lesson 1: Good confidants (friends or family) have an unwritten code of confidentiality and above all MUST be mature. Don’t talk personally to anyone who may take it upon themselves to mention parts of your conversation to your spouse. Nor should you confide in someone who has their own personal relationship with your spouse, because now you are infringing on their relationship. My mother is my confidant. She knows and loves my husband but will not ever have a conversation with him that I am not privy too. So she is not HIS confidant. Get it? (Note: If you’re wondering, I’ve never met my friend’s husband and have no plans on “double dating”.)

Lesson 2: Husband was wrong FIRST. Had wife just waited for him to return from MARS; shared her anger at him for leaving; resolved the issue that frustrated him; it would have been over and he would have learned his lesson. But when she went and “wronged” too, she took the focus from husbands wrong and now she’s the focus of the argument. When one person is wrong, let them be wrong. When you point out their wrong (at the proper time) you can end the battle, come out smelling like a rose and have peace once again.

This is what I know NOW. If I knew Lesson 1 back in 1998 or even in December, I’d have had a few less arguments with my own husband.

Farewell Falwell and "Dammit, my husband was right again!"

I don't say this often but I really admire my husbands insight and knowledge. There, I said it publicly.

My hubby (I'll think up a cute Blog name for him soon) is one of these, talk you to sleep types. He talks so much that often I find myself not listening or zoning in and out. But I have digressed, it must be contagious!

What made me consider how I value his insight was the death of Jerry Falwell.
As the news reporter waxed poetic about Falwell's life my husband put his middle finger up to the TV. I was SHOCKED! Not even reverence for the dead? Then I began to read about how much of a racist and separatist Falwell was.

Here's some of what George Curry said:
"When people die, even the racist ones, there is an inexplicable rush to trumpet the good in that person, even where none exists from a public policy perspective. The most recent example is Jerry Falwell, one of the godfathers of the religious right. Like many Southern white ministers, Falwell didn’t sit on the sidelines at the outset of the modern civil rights movement; he joined the opposition.

"Four years after the Supreme Court’s Brown v. Board of Education outlawing segregated public schools, Falwell gave a speech titled, “Segregation or Integration.”

"Jerry Falwell was not silent behind his stained-glass windows. He said, “The true Negro does not want integration, he realizes his potential is far better among his own race.”
Claiming that integration “will destroy our race eventually,” Falwell said, “A pastor friend of mine tells me that a couple of opposite race live next door to his church as man and wife.”
As late as 1964, Falwell was attacking the 1964 Civil Rights Act as ‘civil wrongs’ legislation. He questioned the sincerity and intentions of some civil rights leaders such as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., It’s too bad that Falwell, who later claimed that he had changed his views, was on the wrong side of history."

What I'm acknowledging is the fact that I had to read it from someone else. I didn't ask my husband why he did that. But very often I find myself doing that. I think I need to check myself. I'm not sure if it's ego or what that makes me not want to hear what he has to say. Maybe he just talks too long...that's it... it's HIS fault! LOL (Well, I promised I'd keep it real or not do this blog thing.)

But what reminded me of this was how I was reading another blog and the sister was complaining about how many other bloggers were bashing Falwell. Now that I know about him and now that I've seen what bloggers she referenced, I can't believe she cares about Falwell at all! I'm glad my hubby opened my eyes to the facts before I was out here looking stupid, taking up for someone who didn't give a damn about me.

Those misleading ads...........

Did it slip under your radar like mine that the popular "Milk your diet" ads are being PULLED?

When I heard it I decided to do some more research. I found that a doctors group requested that they pull the ads in 2005. However, it took this long for the milk organizations to take action. They claim it's not because of being misleading but because they have just decided to go in a different direction. Instead of promoting "weight loss" they are now promoting "healthy diet". Sound's like crap to me!!! They spent MILLIONS on these ads. Think of all the celebs, Muhammad and Laila Ali, Serena Williams, Dr. Phil......plus the cost of print ads in national magazines and billboards.

I think almost every ad needs to have a disclaimer on it like those for Viagara and other drugs. All of TV is becoming one be advertisement. Like Pepsi and Dasani water being strategically placed in TV shows. That's how smoking became popular, by having movie and TV stars lighting up on camera. I guess that's why I prefer to read my news and listen to radio (XM of course). Even magazines have become difficult to read. Once I started reading an article in Essence and midway through, it started to sound very trite and then I looked at the top of the page and saw the words, "THIS IS AN ADVERTISEMENT". Maybe they should just put that disclaimer over the title of each magazine. And make all commercials say at the end "The previous ad was an attempt to sell you ______. The claims made may be misleading and sometimes false. Further research should be done before purchasing anything seen in a commercial."

Grandparents

My mom was just here for 5 days to see "the baby". She glanced at me every now and then, but her main concern was connecting with her baby girl. Grandparent visits are a time to get a bit of a break but most importantly it's a time for me to get my "Mommy Report Card". I always wonder if my baby is smart enough, dressed properly, eating right, too clingy, shows affection.......the list of questions can go on for pages. My parents are a bit skeptical of our plans to home-school through 8th grade, but my mom is very pleased at my 2 1/2 year olds vocabulary and counting and letter recognition. She is most impressed that she can name all of her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins by photograph. We make sure of it because our visits are often so far between, we want her to recognize everyone. As my mom descended down the escalator my daughter yelled and pointed, "GRAM!" and my mom was off to a great stay. Now that she's gone, I wish she lived closer. I will encourage my children to stay near me when they get older or find a place where we'd all like to relocate. I think so much mental and financial strength can be gained by families staying together and working together toward a common goal, be it business related or personal family goals.

Have you ever been on a jury?

This year marks 20 years of being a registered voter and this is the FIRST time I have EVER gotten a jury duty notice. I am sooooooooo excited. I hope I get selected for a jury. I'll keep you posted on how this goes, I report on May 31st.

Wedding anniversaries (or Hang In There!)

How do you honor the day that you committed your life to another? Each year I appreciate my marriage more and more and grow more sensitive to how I spend our anniversary. I didn't want to go out among a bunch of people I don't know for something to eat that I could have made better at home. And I didn't want to spend the day cooking to host a dinner party, so we just played it cool. We spent the day together as a family, as we do most days since we work from home and are home pre-schooling our baby girl. But for me, a day together without the stresses of work was like a vacation or honeymoon. We had another couple and their child over for turkey burgers and fries and my girl helped me cook so it was fun. The men talked each others ears off and the children played themselves sleepy. I spent a good portion of last week pondering how our relationship has changed this year and I am grateful that we made it to this day. We had major drama at the beginning of the year and I almost gave up. Too often people in relationships give up just before it gets good. And for us...right now is GOOD, real good. Like A.H. says, "Even if we fuss and fight, try till we get it right. You are my life, I can't let go."
Enjoy...(after the brief commercial :o)

Independent Thinker....

I don't have hero's but I sure admire Cathy Hughes. She has already done what my husband and I hope to do (create a media empire) plus she is an independent thinker. Let me know what you think about what Ms. Hughes has to say about controlling our own images...